103 WAYS TO ANNOY LORD VOLDEMORT!!! edited
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Laugh at him.
6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
17. Be cheerful.
20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'
23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....
26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, o dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.
33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'
39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
40. Buy him a stress ball.
44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'
48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'
51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry'.
52. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
53. Throw him a 'care-bears' themed birthday party.
55. Politely exclaim now and again that you 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'
60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'
64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.
66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.
68. Tell him Lucius did it.
69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'
73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling'
77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy'
80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.
81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.
87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
90. And with exaggerated limb-movements.
92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie'
95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak'.
96. Mock his baldness.
98. Get him drunk.
102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like "Not gonna work," or "stupid."
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Laugh at him.
6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
17. Be cheerful.
20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'
23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....
26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, o dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.
33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'
39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
40. Buy him a stress ball.
44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'
48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'
51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry'.
52. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
53. Throw him a 'care-bears' themed birthday party.
55. Politely exclaim now and again that you 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'
60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'
64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.
66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.
68. Tell him Lucius did it.
69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'
73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling'
77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy'
80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.
81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.
87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
90. And with exaggerated limb-movements.
92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie'
95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak'.
96. Mock his baldness.
98. Get him drunk.
102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like "Not gonna work," or "stupid."
